shydeiac:

how the pussy should be eaten:

  • like it’ll pay off all their student loans.
  • like the key to happiness is buried in there.
  • like they’ll be granted a tax free life.
  • like they heard the fountain of youth was in there. 
  • like it’ll grant you three wishes for whatever you heart desires.  
  • like its the last supper and you trying to be the 13th disciple.

australiansanta:

im coming out of the closet. i am a shirt. i haven’t been worn in months. this is exciting

iamthedukeofurl:

wholockian-at-hogwarts:

WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS MEAN WHEN A SHOW IS ON AT LIKE FUCKIN “8/7c” WHAT IS THAT????

We never switched over to metric timekeeping. The c stands for “Caw”, referring to how many times a majestic eagle has flown overhead and cawed that day. Sometimes the eagles are feeling sluggish, so the show could be on after either the 7th or 8th caw. 

trulylame:

I wanna be a tiny person that lives on plants

SEPTEMBER HOROSCOPES

virgo, actively seek balance.

libra, trust these are the right decisions.

scorpio, separate fact from feeling.

sagittarius, remind yourself how you got this far.

capricorn, it is a time of luck.

aquarius, unpack your current fear.

pisces, take on this challenge.

aries, you will find a place to belong.

taurus, let it happen.

gemini, toast to self-acceptance.

cancer, embrace the love around you.

leo, you are safe here.
SEPTEMBER HOROSCOPES, by Blythe Baird (via framesjanco)
daughterassailant:

imbringinglexiback:

am i on drugs what is happening

blink just before it hits the ground and it makes your brain feel as if you actually fell over
credit